Interesting As It Is

The 5 Choices Of Connection

As my year comes to an end, I've been reflecting on the nature of friendship, connection, and how I care and cultivate relationships I value.  All too often business blogs, books and magazine articles are encouraging us to convert relationships and social interactions into strategic food to fatten our bottom lines. But human beings shouldn't be strategized, and social media's real value comes if we actually feel connected to something or someone on the other side, something social, something breathing.

I've learned the hard way that loyalty can be fleeting and that friendships which once seemed stable suddenly changed, and eventually trickled away.  It can be hard to navigate through times of change and trouble, particularly if our relationships are maintained primarily through texting, social websites or email. That is communication, not necessarily connected. Without context, body language, even the sense of smell and touch, our information is very limited. We can read nuance, or see into someones eyes. I'm quite guilty of having my aymgdala jacked by email or texts, misreading a situation, or dropping the ball with a client because I didn't read a note carefully. These mistakes and stumbles can be costly, and mostly they come about because we may not fully understand what "connection" really means and we haven't yet recognized we've cut ourselves out of true conversations. When I finally have a chance to see someones face my conversations usually turn from bite to bark, becoming more docile with each interaction.  Real people with real people yield to something more, well...real.

In the new book The Dragonfly Effect, Jennifer Aaker and Andy Smith create a compelling picture of how to use social media to drive social change, using the metaphor of a dragonfly. They call it the "Dragonfly Model", with each wing of the dragonfly a particular idea for creating greater connection.

Focus: Have concrete goals.

Grab Attention: Do something that cuts through the media muck.

Engage:  Create personal connection and empathy.

Take Action: Empowerment, let others know how to get involved.

It's a nice model and the book is a smart addition to the growing literature on using social media to build grass roots action. But what about people we actually have a personal connection to, that we physically interact with and have flesh and blood relationships with?  What about the multi-dimensional world of face-to-face connection? What are the tenants of physical connection, beyond these? How can avoid what Edward Tufte refers to as "flatland"?

In order for friendships or working relationships (Customers and co-workers) to thrive, something real must be at stake. We can't "delete" a physical friendship and while "unfriending" someone on Facebook can feel crappy, ultimately it's an act of shallow meaning and pedestrian utility.  Keystrokes can write a story, but they don't create real people or place, they merely describe them. We can feel a sense of connection to a story, a movie, a song or a peice of art, but it is only when we actually are with others, in their presence, that we engage all of our senses to deliver a rich, multi-dimensional experience of being with another person.

In writing about workplace engagement, imagination, street performing, art and design and service innovation, I've investigated the power of personal connection over scripted, processed, planned, linear programs. The business world wants answers before they're available, wants a plan before every action, a script for every phone call, and isn't usually so good (yet) with ambiguity. Real relationships thrive on these things; friendships aren't planned, love isn't linear or scripted, and ambiguity is a part of the human condition. How many times, for example, have we been on the phone with a call center knowing our conversation with the voice on the other end is being forced through script, a check list Q&A that eliminates any potential for improvisation or deviation and thus, there isn't a sense of any real connection to the person that voices is attached to.

As a result of my work, I've identified 5 simple practical ideas that have helped me, and some of my clients, understand the nature of connection. It's also helped me to understand the most important measurement any of us have of  when we feel connection, the experience of natural energy or organic enthusiasm.

I don't claim that these ideas are original or that I'm the first to identify them, indeed the book mentioned above covers a few of them. Instead, I place these ideas in the contrast between the scripted stage and the improvisational street performer or vendor, where the differences become obvious and self evident. It's the arrangement which is particular and important.

The 5 Choices Of Connection

1.)    Invite

2:)   Engage

3.)   Empathize

4.)   Improvise

5.)   Energize

In each of these we should attempt to seek the simplest form, to clear the path between ourselves and others. Simplicity is core, and one basic question we can continually ask ourselves is "What can I take out, take away or eliminate that is unnecessary clutter?" When we practice what I call "The Take Away", we are removing the junk we've gathered, clearing out the cache in our head and taking our stuff off life support.  The goal of these actions is to encourage and cultivate dynamic relationships and a high resolution transfer of meaning and value. In other words, YOU become more important to me than my strategy, my agenda, my stuff, my "feelings", cripts and whatever else I might put in between us.

In my new book "The Take Away" (Fall 2011) I explore these components and unfold ideas that I've discovered embedded in creative endeavors, successful friendships, vital marriages, and compelling companies and brands. In the new world, information is crashing like a tidal wave across our bow and we need to re-calibrate our sextants and redraw our maps to tack our craft back towards the home port of personal, real, human connection and creativity. I will be sharing bits and pieces, stories, activities and ideas in the days and weeks ahead.

This new year will, of course, contain great challenges as well as great opportunities, and I wish you the very best in all of your endeavors, and continued happiness and good health.

10 Unusual Resolutions

Once again we are surrounded by magazines with the usual year end tripe about New Years resolutions.  Mostly, these articles promote eating less, losing weight, exercising, saving more money, taking up a hobby and the perennial favorite...less stress. But while any of one these things are certainly worthy of commitment, (I actually want to lose 5 pounds this year) for most of us they just muster up little more than a yawn.

Since I spend much of my time working with companies and individuals on developing and expanding their ability to improvise and invent new things, I figured I'd toss my own list of unique suggestions for resolutions into the static din of the year end hullabaloo.

1.) Stand Up.  Commit yourself to taking a stand for something. No...that doesn't mean writing a check and sending it off in a Vera Wang envelope. Stand Up for someone or something that will not only make a difference to the cause, but to you.

2.) Sit Down. Make a commitment to sit down and have a conversation with someone important to you, or a complete stranger. Sit down.

3.) Shut Up. Okay...this is hard even for me but, shut up will you?  The world is so full of yammering; what better resolution could we have than to spend more time with our mouths shut, just listening, or sitting. You don't have to commit to seated meditation or spending time with the Quakers, just...shut up for a minute.

4.) Use A Dictionary. Where did you learn the words you understand and use? School?  Hardly, nearly 99% of the language we use was picked up in the context of conversations we heard. Given that words and language create our culture, our relationships, that define the terms of agreement with everyone else, perhaps we could read a dictionary, or have the latest dictionary app. Don't do this so you can use fancy sounding, multi-sylabic words, instead, use the dictionary to investigate assumptions, to gain greater affection for meaning and clarity. Keep it with you all of the time! Investigate.

5.) Mind Your Own Damn Business. When did it become fashionable to stick your nose into everyone elses private affairs? Knowing where Lindsay Lohan went to the toilet or Johnny Depp bought a milk shake is utterly useless information, and it's indicative of a growing facination with what everyone else is doing. It might make you happier and healthier to leave well enough alone, and focus on the only person you can manipulate and control...yourself. 

6.) Enjoy Eating!  Haven't we heard enough from the chattering class about all the bad stuff we are eating? Come on, leave me alone with my double chocolate swirl cake and all those calories, because it tastes sooo good. Joy is important, and if eating pancakes or french fries makes you happy, then by all means enjoy them. Moderation.

7.) Trust Others.  Oh my, if we believe what we see on TV, we're all divided and ready to go to war with our neighbors. Television sells ratings, and there are ratings to be found in polemic reporting, but the people in my neighborhood aren't planning on revolution anytime soon. This year, vow to trust others, even those you don't always agree with. If we want this country to flourish we can't continue cultivating the idea that we can't trust those we disagree with, those we don't know, or those that choose a different lifestyle. We're going to be okay, get over it! Why not practice sitting down with someone who differs from you, see what you find, and make no attempt to change their mind. Trust.

8.) Don't Be An A-hole.  We now have several competing television networks with hours of programing dedicated to, and promoting a-holes. We have rallies where tens of thousands of a-holes show up carrying signs about other a-holes. Speak up, speak your mind of course, enter the fray but if possible, please, perhaps you could refrain from actually being an asshole.

9.) Quit Working Out. Walk, ride a bike, row a boat and take it easy for crying out loud. If working up a sweat in the gym peaks your mojo, or streatching out with yoga keeps your yin from yanging, then keep at it. Otherwise, chill out.. Breathe.

10.) Go To The Opeara. What?  I don' t know if you actually need to go to the opera, but try consuming something that hasn't been premeasured. Popular culture is fine, but there exists an entire world of music and art that is provocative, different, frequently uncomfortable, and hidden. Try listening and consuming things that exceed your limits of taste or you don't usually like. Try listening to things that are uncomfortable. I've been taking in opeara (Met Opera HD),  I'm listening to hard core old style country music, punk, and ambient noise, and discovered an entirely new landscape of ideas and images.

That's the list...so get at it, or not.

Happy New Years!

Another long list arrives!

Just after I posted my blog, I recieved this Tweet. "73 Best Business and Success Lessons" Really? 

List of leadership qualities

We have too many people talking and writing about leadership. Crying out loud, now that the econ has tanked, those who used to lead now write and blog about it. I don't have any data to support that claim, but based on the number of feeds and hits I get on leadership, it seems like everyone is a damned expert on leading others and they all have their lists with impressive titles like "The 24 Critical Skills Every Leader Needs to Garner Submission." I know, it's not a real list, but if you Google "leadership lists," You'll need to take the day off to sift through the detritus.

But, Bob Sutton's list "12 Things Good Bosses Believe" is one of the few lists that seems worth reading and applying to life. He's on target for describing that someone most of us would like to work for. More important to me, however, is that everyone should consider and embody these ideas, not just those wearing starched white collars and business suits (the white collar of clergy would likely benefit from this list as well).

With the growth of personal computers and blogs that are as common as a field mouse in Iowa, we have to raise the bar on what advice we take on leadership. If we all recognize that leadership is something most, or all of us do, perhaps we won't need such an emphasis on hierarchies, labels, and control.

Here. Here.

We feel fine

Facsinating and utterly addicting.  Harris and Kamvar at We Feel Fine have created an interface that aggrigates tweets in which people are writing about what they feel. Download it, and clear your schedule for the rest of the day.

 

The power of less.

The art of writing great speeches is found in the economy of language, in the writers ability to choose those words that best capture or create a powerful image, feeling, or connection to an idea. Among histories most powerful speeches is Lincoln's Gettysburg address. It is near perfect in form and expression, 256 words so chosen to transcribe a moment in time

It is a stunning example of simplicity and elegance, and the power we have to carefully select, among many competitive options, the most provocative words. White space matters. When it comes to our self expression, if we spend a little time thinking, thinking, thinking and allow ourselves the luxury of pondering the pallet of words available to us, we can give our ideas life beyond the present moment. 

Lincolns' address is an example of the power of less.

Here is Adam Gaults lovely rendition of the Gettysburg Address, rendered with After Effects. Beautiful.

Gettysburg Address from Adam Gault on Vimeo.

 

 

Staying Resilient

This whole economic mess has everyone scrambling to name our state of affairs, to proclaim the beginning or the end of something. Adbusters went so far as to create "True Cost Economics", a kind of New Age paradigm shift where we scrap GDP, among other ideas.

We're so full of it. If we could correctly predict economic reality, or had a real handle on the emergence in financial markets, we'd be in a different place in our economy. The truth is, no amount of financial brilliance can unlock the complexities and codes at the core of our economic life. It's a mess, get used to it.

I'm a fan of Joseph Schumpeter, his notion on the dangers of "circular flow", and the value of entrepreneurialism, and "creative distraction". Shumpeters economic theory proposed that economic calamity would often accompany disruptive technologies, new ideas, new industries and new ways of doing business. It's the unfortunate price we pay to have a growing economy. It means, from time to time, we're going to have these shifts, this pain. Scumpeter argued that the end of Capitalism wouldn't necessarily come at the hands of an angry proletariat, rather it would be our discontent with times like these, and our insistence on trying to resolve it through government interventions.

Instead of declaring the end of our capitalistic society, wouldn't it be more useful to develop a kind of new world "resilience", a responsive "flexibility" in which we recognized why these times happen?

I've studied street vendors and performers for the past 20 years. In each case, they operate in environments that are often hostile to their "contributions" to the local street economy. I recall watching a young tap dancer, a 12 year old kid with shining black tap shoes and a piece of cut plywood, dancing on the sidewalk in the French Quarter of New Orleans. He was terrific, he made some money, and then almost as quickly a couple of police officers chased him away. A few minutes later, he appeared further down the street and did another dance..until the law came down again.

This dancer understood that he needed to remain flexible, he had to have a path out. He knew there were ways he could respond and still make money. I'm not advocating breaking the law, but on some level, the street performer has always managed to work around the often cumbersome and unnecessary ordinances that prohibit performers from visibly working. Creative flexibility.

Resilience means we have the ability to "rebound or spring back" from change and challenge. The street performer is the image of flexibility and resilience. A heckler is expected, distractions are embraced, creative challenges create more creative ideas.  If we're in business, we can't afford to waste time talking about how bad things are or to gnash our collective teeth that the sky is falling. We should be weary of analytically certain experts, and intellectual one-upsmanship that provides impressive sounding answers. Instead, lets's embrace what is, deal with the hand we've been dealt, and work together to respond in a way that brings us back into flow. Sometimes that means nothing more than waiting and patience.

Listen, we all know it's not going to get better right away, but it will come back. It seems to me, the less time we spend listening to those that likely can't predict the future any better than the rest of us, no matter which political point of view they endorse, the more time we can invest on keeping it lean, getting out there and being seen, and cultivating our resilience...together.

Less isn't always more

There is a new strain of writers and thinkers who are reflecting upon the state of our new economy, and they don't like what they've seen. Authors such as Leo Babuta in his book "The Power Of Less" offer a message that is a softer, sober kind of anti-materialism, an enlightened path of de-cluttering and dumping all the "unnecessary" things we've acquired and, apparently, no longer can afford. We've all learned, as the thinking goes, what happens when we want or acquire too many material objects. In this line thinking we'll find greater joy and freedom if we just slip the surley bonds of materialism and focus on the sheer happiness of having less, of doing without, and curbing our destructive appetites.

One can't find much argument with "having less and doing more", but that is really material common sense. After all, we can only carry so many things on our backs, literally, before we become weakened and exhausted by the haul. Having more than we can afford to pay for, or living beyond our means are all signs and symptoms of a disfigured financial discipline, it's a management issue and doesn't necessarily mean we need to simplify. There has a puritanical undertone to all of this, a self-flagellating narrative that puts us all in monks robes or rag stock second hand clothing, giving up shopping malls, designer dishware and Louie V hand bags, in favor of meditation centers and Ikea economic minimalism.  But is this really a solution?

I have moved my own standard of living down the scale. Like millions of others, my income went from great to worse, skipping "bad" entirely, and it left me with an income stream that couldn't sustain the waterfall lifestyle I'd incrementally created. I'm not a big spender, per se, but I was forced to curtail my wanting in favor of economy, and have had to "down size" in order to fit into a skinnier balance sheet.

All of this makes sense, since as a small business owner I have to post income to pay for the stuff I have and need. But my decision to thin my spending doesn't necessarily equate to simplicity.  We all have to have simple management systems so everyone knows the bottom line, or understands what the outcome should be to sustain our enterprise. Beyond that, however, is any of this really to the core of what simplicity is about?

The word "simple", as a noun, means "a person lacking intelligence or common sense". As an adjective it means "having few parts, not complicated or involved".  It also means "lacking mental capacity or subtlety". Interesting words for certain, and none of which seems to fit the westernize pseudo buddhist ideal.  While parts of the pop-culture have co-opted simplicity as the brand name of anti-materialism, it is also part and parcel of a new kind of spiritualism, the mantra of the seated meditators that believe we are truly free when we no longer are controlled by wants and desires, we give up our material attachments and adhere to the ballot of a simple lifestyle, where, less is always, always, more, and more is always wrong.

But we can do better than this. Why is it necessary to give up our drive for having better things, for pursuing a life designed to enjoy the material fruits of our labors?  We certainly need to balance our consumption with the realities of our community and environment, but without our sense of aesthetic pleasure and our drive to acquire those shapes and colors we most desire, we run the risk of derailing our own creativity and innovation.  Simplicity isn't just about having less, it's about being more. We don't always need to sacrifice our material pleasures in order to connect with others, or do good work in the world. To the contrary, material success can lead us to build better mousetraps, pay for community programs, and help others in need.

Simplicity can also be about finding uncomplicated ways to invite people into our lives, to connect with them, and share and build energy. If we continually complicate our relationships, every invitation has to come with a set of terms and obligations. Instead, a simple invitation of friendship, or love, or collaboration, needs no terms and its only obligation is respect and, hopefully, constancy. In this way, simplicity cultivates kindness and our own sanguinity, neither of which should require us to throw away our Starbucks, give up our dream of owning a nice car or having anything else that brings us personal fulfillment or joy. We may discover having and own less makes our connection to others easier, but that will only arrive through trial and error, and personal choice.

Simplicity, for all it's current hype and promotion, isn't about what we do, or do not have. Simplicity is the freedom of being who we are, of knowing others directly, and not complicating every relationship with a set of obligations or terms.  That's really the bottom line. We can take away all of our material wealth, our technology, and all of the clutter, and we'd still come up short. Where we need simplicity most is in the quality of our invitations, in easing the unnecessary complications and distractions with friendships, companionship, service and community.

Do we need Shakespeare?

I've spent my entire adult life earning most of my income from various creative endeavors. While I'm inclined to believe that my life has been well spent, I also have days where I'm filled with doubt, where my mind minimizes my achievements as half-off, cut-out bin seconds. I wonder if my work, and the things I write and speak about, are good enough to appeal to serious people. Like most other people, I want to be accepted by the academic class, to be considered one of the "smart" people in the room. Lately, however, I'm challenging that wisdom, and am questioning the entire notion of what makes a smart person.

Jonathan Franzen, the highly regarded novelist whose latest, best selling book, "Freedom" ( anointed by Oprah), seems to think here is "no hope" for serious reading and writing. With technology companies "marginalizing" novels with devices such as the Kindle or iPad, Franzen believes people are staying home with the "televisions and computers", and have given up on the heavy lifting of reading important books like..uhh..his.

At the core of his comments is the notion that we should dash back to some kind of idylic, 1950's past, where we all had 3 networks to choose from, a handful of radio stations, and everyone had read Tom Sawyer. Recently the BBC created the "Big Read", a list of great literary works from Shakespeare to Tolkien. The list wheeled about the internet with people proudly posting how many of these listed masterpieces they'd read. Some of the emails I saw had people bragging about having read some of the bigger, more important books two and three times! 

There is a kind of shame for not having completed, or even opened the pages of many of the books featured on this BBC list. We assume that those who have read these books are smarter, they're more academic, and are likely to be more successful. While there is no doubt that reading Shakespeare or Moby Dick will open up the mind to language and ideas, do we need to have read either of those books to be smarter, to know language, or to engage in the world of big ideas?

Are the great works of the past really that important? Do we need great novels? Is there a new "brain" emerging that essentially redefines our ideas of literature, creative thinking, and shared knowledge?

I believe Franzen is simply wrong. He's decrying Gutenberg, while at the same time reaping millions from a market that actually is buying his book. At the core of this argument, it seems to me, is the notion of past is nearly always better than the present. I think it's important that we understand history, that we revel in the works of big thinkers, creative outsiders, and intellectually stimulating writers. At the same time, we might need to get comfortable with a world where there is greater emphasis on what's emerging, rather than what has already been. Shakespeare is certainly a revelation of language and ideas, but what if future generations see Shakespeare as merely a curiousity, or see Tolstoy's works as dense,  irrelavent and unnecessary?

I love my books, and read lots of them. I have a Kindle and an iPad, but still find the tactile experience of turning a page to be more rewarding than pushing a button. I own a full set of the Oxford English Dictionary, and love words as if they were soapstone in my fingertips. Still, I don't think it necessarily matters if young people are following their impulses, reading material that is shorter and more to the point, and are actually spending less and less time sitting in front of a television screen or studying the past.  I think it is more likely that young people will have read parts and pieces of more great works, and will have more knowledge about the world than any previous generation. Perhaps we don't need Shakespeare any more, or maybe any of the other "great" works in human history, be it art or music.

I admit that a world without Shakespeare would be a lessor world indeed...but then again, I'm just a middle aged white guy who still likes paper books and printed pages.